First off, have a look at this site. http://www.oddee.com/item_96937.aspx
That should get the ball rolling, just in case my sentiments don’t quite cut the proverbial mustard.
This may come as no surprise to you - my immediate opinion on social networking sites, in this case, the [in]famous, overused, (drum roll please)...Facebook, may not be quite as cast iron as my stomach, nevertheless I implore you - lets tear apart one of the least social activities that has ever come to be. It’s addictive! Shall we cut to the chase, please?
As I check my Facebook a good couple of times a day, I feel I am entitled to a quick feeding frenzy on those of you who have allowed these INSANELY annoying idiosyncratic habits that you so obviously find amusing creep into your everyday [anti]socialising... (steam fuming out of imaginary ears)
Okay, I’m back from the funny farm. Lets hit it.
The Compulsive “Like-er”
The friend/ facebook acquaintance that feels compelled to press that ‘like’ button thingy below each status, picture or comment posted. How opposing of me, that I’m thinking this is due to some inability to actually take the 1min 3.564 seconds to type “Sweet pic bru” or “DAMN I remember that - good times”. Perhaps, being the besetting Facebook-er that said person must so evidently be, going for broke and completing ‘What kind of person are you really?’ questionnaires and quizzes takes the cake over the colossal task of leaving a: “Nice pic”... Doesn’t that just go down like a lead balloon?
The “Must...tell... (breathe) all...friends...made...it...out...of...shower...alive” Facebook-er
Okay, have a look at your home page…Can you see it? That ONE friend that constantly updates? That ONE friend that clogs up your home page as if he/she may die at any second and would like you, Tom, Dick and Harry to be aware of possible last moments lived? I mean, why else, in God’s name does one feel the need to narrate their entire day every 3 seconds? [“Just got to gym”… “Damn feeling awesome at gym”… “Awesome work out”... “In the car”...“Just got home”. Clearly, you have NO ONE to gym with?!] Sifting through said nonsense is about as much fun as a cheese induced coma, SO, unless you have a lifestyle that involves Bear-Grylls-like endeavors, stop cluttering our news feeds. Please and thank you.
The My Day Is a Musical Updater
Post one line of a song a day please? I don’t want to know how similar your life is to Joe Jonass’ latest lyrics, carried out in one hour increments. This is just getting ridiculous: “Woke up this morning, smiled at the rising sun”… on to lunch break “walking on sunshine” heading to 16h00 “Fuck the system”. Yes, the rest of the WORLD listens to music too. And no, we don’t deem it necessary to sync each line of ANY song, for that matter, with our daily happenings. Music is a huge contributing factor to pretty much everything in our lives but it can’t be essential to document the entire day through song lyrics, can it?
The Serial Photographer
You know exactly who you are! Yes, you outdo the strobe lights at a 90’s rave with camera flashes, but really? Seriously? 19 856 photographs? Although impressed at your remarkable party-going, and thankful for your help in relocating lost memories from those particularly hazy nights, I’m pretty sure you sitting on your bestfriend’s boyfriend’s lap while she is in Hong Kong/ America/ up the Berg River in 17 different poses may possibly cause you more harm than my poor eyes. And no, you don’t look any different when photographed from your left as opposed to your right. Yes, I know, I am being a little hard-boiled.
Afterthought: Please will someone also relocate lost cash from aforementioned hazy night?
The Abbreviation Idiot
In my opinion - ‘imo’, of course, this is the worst thing you can do to your poor facebook page - and my head. Did you not do English in school? Yes, I know you access this site from your phone, but do you really want me and your 873 other friends thinking you are a) lazy b) dumb as bat shit or c) all of the above? Okay, “OMG” is almost in the Oxford English Dictionary, so you are forgiven this once. However, this: “It w4s gr8 c-ing u lst nite I roflmao da whle nit!” is unpardonable. My face melts. Why? Are you going to hop off the twig if you type 3-4 extra vowels into your status/comment? Even more unbearable is when the Compulsive Updater and the Abbreviation Idiot make babies - “Omg gr8 showa”... “getn dresd” closely followed by “OMG lib l2m ftw”. Seriously people c’mon!
Seriously, what the fuck is going on? It's like the fucking Special Olympics out there
I suppose all of us are guilty of falling into one of these categories but when people take it to the extreme is when - indeed, it is not in bad taste to seriously consider the “remove friend option”
Are you smiling that thousand-yard smile?
Facebook FTW - Yes, I just HAD to do it.
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